Merlin (BBC) A.K.A how NOT to write a screenplay for British television!

BBC Drama Merlin is Unbelievably bad and i'm about to use all my writing and storytelling knowledge to explain why.

You see The shows writers seem to have forgotten every basic rule of storytelling. in fact the only bit they got right was the fact that there has to be a beginning a middle and an end.

Lets start with Rule #102- Protagonist Vs Antagonist

see with a story that revolves around conflicting characters with opposing motives it's essential to establish 3 things:

1. a positive emotional connection with the protagonist (hero) and His goal
2. a Negative emotional connection with the antagonist (villain) and His goal
3. a sense of tension between the two goals and a feeling of uncertainty about how it's all going to end.

Drama comes from wanting our hero to succeed and WORRYING about weather or not he will. I highlight the word worrying because thats what drama is.
If we don't care about our hero then we don't worry and you have no drama. If we don't see the villain as a real threat then we don't worry and you have no drama.
If it really doesn't matter WHICH side wins then we don't worry and guess what...YOU HAVE NO DRAMA.

Merlin Fails right off the bat because the hero's are either absolute Dicks or ineffectual cry babies.

Let's start with merlin. He's a guy who mas magical powers (yay!) but isn't allowed to use them otherwise he'd be executed by his king and treated like a monster....(booo!)
Now although it's obvious that this is just a way to limit the amount of time merlin uses his magical abilities (in order to keep the shows budget down and explain why he doesn't just do everything by magic) it creates some major contradictions in logic and common sense.
so lets break this stupidity down for just a second.

One of the major plot points of Merlin is his internal struggle with being what he is (a mage, and a talented one at that) and having to live the humble life of a mere servant. this is one of the forms of TENSION thats trying to be established.
But here's the thing.

WHY BE THEIR SERVANT!

(now you have to stop and think about this....) the entire series revolves around him BUSTING HIS ASS in order to save Camelot and it's douchbag prince (i'll get to him later) but WHY. why does this young and talented man serve a kingdom that HATES HIM AND HIS KIND?

I mean Imagine if you were a young jewish boy around the age of 21-24 Just before the Nazi occupation of France I'm pretty sure that with the gates still WIDE OPEN for you to leave at anytime...you'd MOVE YOUR ASS!! even if you had friends, family, a good job etc it simply wouldn't be worth the risk! you certainly wouldn't spend your entire life trying to actively HELP the Nazis or protect Hitler from assassination attempts.

what's more, merlin shows UNWAVERING loyalty to this nation as though he somehow owes them his life. He's witnessed his king hunt and slaughter countless innocent mages time and time again and yet still spends every episode trying to save both the king and his son...but WHY!?
See the problem is his motivation makes no sense! as an audience we need to want to root for a hero to succeed, but although he's ultimately saving lives, the lives he's saving aren't exactly worth it!

the writers failed part 3. they haven't made the hero's goal worth worrying about. we might worry about HIM but not what he's trying to protect. Everyone else in that kingdom can go to hell for all I care! It's not as though the world would be a terrible place with out this king. In fact after the initial discomfort, it might actually be BETTER for young merlin. he could live freely and not under the fear of persecution.

Next is the surrounding cast of characters and how they all fail to serve their place in the plot.

Let's start with Prince Arthur. Now you would think with such a tyrannical king the writers would make prince Arthur a more likable character. perhaps someone who, despite his youth, possessed patience, tolerance, intelligence and wisdom beyond his years. someone who you feel will one day grow into a great king who will learn from the mistakes of his farther and not repeat them....WRONG!



What we are given instead is an arrogant and spoiled brat who not only was born with a silver spoon in his mouth but also with a silver stick wedged firmly up his Rump!
He and Merlin have a master-servant relationship. and although merlin has saved Arthur's life on multiple occasions (More times than Arthur has realized) he still treats Merlin like common trash.
The writers occasionally try to fix this by making arther do what writters call 'petting the dog' which is a moment were a charecter does something supposedly sweet or heartwarming to show the audience he's not a complete asshole.

However!

Arther does this so rarely that he might as well not do it at all. for every heart felt compliment and heartwarming moment their are 5 derogatory remarks about Merlin's status as servant, teasing about Merlin's lack of physique or just general emotional scapegoating.
The only redeeming qualities that have been given to Arther are the fact that he's a brilliant swords man and that he's less of a prick than his farther.

HOWEVER

despite his brilliance with a blade, Merlin is forced to save his life AT LEAST twice an episode making Arthur come across as somewhat incompetent in his own right!
all in all this gives Merlin even LESS reason to care about this kingdom and it's rulers!
Despite the lack of affection we SEE between these two character Merlin still speaks and behaves as though they are close friends. (much to my annoyance)


Next you have the villians....who are ironically both more intresting and likeable than our supposed good guys.

See for villians we have these witches....two HIGHLY ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMEN
I point out the fact that they are both highly attractive young women because it highlights yet another stupid factor in the making of this show but we'll get to that later.




These HOT WITCHES wish to bring camlot to it's knees....and im guessing that we the audience are supposed to NOT want that to happen.

HOWEVER!

Considering the fact that these two women are magic users and have been declared enemies of camalot by it's king. You cant really blame them for wanting to take down the sucker!
In fact THEIR motives are the only ones that are both believable and make logical sense. add to that the fact that they are ATTRACTIVE YOUNG WOMEN and all of a sudden I'm rooting for them to win!
not only has the show failed to make the audience truly care about it's heroes but they've also made the villain more justified in their actions than the main protagonist!

Id probably LOVE this show if it was written from the witches point of view. secretly I want Merlin to have a moment of realization and turn to the dark side. however this entire story is written as though we're supporting camalot....it assumes we like Arthur and Merlin although it has given us no actual reason to.
and when Merlin eventually defeats this seasons villains I'm sure I'm gonna feel disappointed because his life isn't going to get any better....he's running in a hamster wheel and it quickly stops being interesting to watch.

My final problem with merlin is the Sex-lessness of the world they live in. now when you're making a show for young adults and younger. you kind of need to introduce elements and themes that young people can relate to. and were as themes such as racism, sexuality, religion and so on can create great emotional tension, they're hard to sustain over an entire series. one of the simplest ways to increase emotional involvement with characters is a sexual tension subplot. a 'will they wont they' proposition.

Merlin attempt to do this (and fails) with prince Arthur and Guinevere (a mere chamber maid)
the imidiate implications of such a romance creates instant drama...you would think.
after all A prince couldnt possibly love a mere chamber maid let alone MARRY her, the farther would never accept it, the kingdom would never allow it.
the romance instantly has an obstacle and as such creates drama right??

WRONG!

See this doesn't work for 2 reasons

1 the prince is a DICK! so we don't really want to see him get the girl unless he REALLY earns it

2. Guenivere is somewhat unremarkable as a character. she's not all that funny, or intelligent, she doesn't possess any remarkable traits other than the fact she's physically attractive.

these two factors combined mean that this relationship packs very little real tension. these aren't two "star crossed lovers tied by fate" this a Dick and a chambermaid.

Annoyingly in season 1, the writers actually teased at a genuinely interesting romance between Guinevere and Merlin....He was shy and new to the area, she was somewhat bashful too but clearly attracted to him. their romance had no real obstacle other than their own nerves (a position we can all relate to) but we liked merlin enough to want him to succeed regardless.

Then enters Prince arrogant who began HIS love subplot with Guinevere which i initially thought was BRILLIANT!!!
here we'd have shy merlin have to COMPETE with a powerful prince for the affection of Guinevere. now THAT would have been tension!

watching a young man try to win her heart while fighting his own insecurities about his technically superior rival.
it could have been perfect! would have created more 'worrying' for young merlin and used Arthur's dickishness to the plots advantage.

Instead they just made merlin kind of move out of the way while Arthur simply got the girl...>.<

The story of merlin has a lot of potential...but with poorly planned characters, contradictory motivations and a general mis calculating of peoples emotions it's no wonder the show has wavering ratings!

DEATH CANT GET ME!...well it can but i'll just come back again from the last save point so I'm not too worried...

Ok So I need you to stop and really think about this one cause it’s kind of a big deal. Not to mention a long rant so stick with it…

So we all know of the concept of ‘death’ in video games correct? I.E your walking around with your assault rifle, looking all bad ass. If your health bar drops to zero or reaches Zero HP then BOOM you lose and now you’re singing soprano in the choir of angels right next to Moses and the others.
But let’s break down this concept into two separate factors…

On one side we have the story implications of ‘death’ in video games. I.E if you fight this boss and lose, that boss KILLS our hero and thus the quest comes to an end (Sad Face, violin music etc etc) Now this is the problem with video games stories that I’m actually writing about but before any of this can make sense we need to look at the MECHANICAL implications of death.

You see ‘Death’ provides the gamer with tension, without it the player simply wouldn’t be bothered by what’s happening on screen. You’d just take your time; walk from A to B, not even bother with taking cover because you can’t lose! Eventually you’d reach the next level. Needless to say that would SUCK, you wouldn’t be worried or be forced to use any skill. The game would get real boring real fast.
As a result ‘Death’ keeps you on your toes and keeps you moving.

Now that we understand the nuts and bolts of this concept let me finally get to my point…
NO ONE IS SCARED OF DEATH ANYMORE!
I’m coming at this as a story writer who’s played countless RPG’s, FPS’S, Adventure titles and so on. I’ve saved more villages than the Red Cross, Oxfam and The comic relief foundation put together and to be honest, despite my ‘heroic deeds’ I’ve reached the point were I feel no tension about my characters mortality.

So let’s say I’m playing a game and I now have to fight this tremendous FIRE BREATHING DRAGON. I’ve been given my sword and a bunch of spells to use….
now as a gamer the only thing I’m ‘worried’ about is beating this dragon WITHOUT it beating me right?

HOWEVER!!

Even if it DOES beat me, Even if this dragon Goes all ‘George Forman’ on me and grills me into a charcoaled pile of dust. This game is only going to reset me to the beginning of this fight. Sure it might be frustrating and it might mean having to re-do a large section of the game BUT it still makes the ‘story’ implications of death feel somewhat trivial. From a story stand point this dragon is already dead because the story can’t continue in any other way. Either this dragon dies or *blank*.
The very concept of death for your main character kind of becomes a non issue because in essence your characters CAN NOT possibly fail; there is no other outcome but success!



Now the Savvy amongst you are probably thinking ‘But Chad, Of course they let you retry, you cant have your main character just die half way through a game, otherwise the story would just stop.’
And I agree.
From a STORY prospective, if your main character dies then that’s pretty much goodnight.
But you must understand that ‘Death’ from a mechanical stand point is just a ‘price for failure’ and one that games have been using for years now.
However there are many things OTHER than death that could act as a way of creating tension. Things that can impact the game and the player more dynamically.

Let’s return to our hypothetical village.
You and your mighty Band of heroes have managed to get its health down low but your team is low on health too…
Suddenly the dragon uses a new attack that you weren’t expecting!

Your team is wiped out, you see a small cut scene of your character blacking out…
(Blank screen)

All of a sudden, you’re eyes spring open….to reveal your in a strange room but hey YOUR ALIVE!!
You look over to find the rest of your party are also alive!

But what about the village? What happened to little Hillershire??
IT’S RUINED THAT’S WHAT!!
YOU FAILED!
That Village is GONE!
Remember that cute lil girl who gave you a flower because you promised to save her village? SHE’S DRAGON FOOD NOW!
Remember that Hot Inn Keeper who you thought might have a crush on you? ROAD KILL!

All the weapons you could have bought from them GONE!
All the additional side quests GONE!
The reward money? UP IN SMOKE!

See the story will continue but by god will you pay for it!

See when you present a game that makes you LIVE with your failure instead of just letting you retry, all of a sudden you become desperate not to fail…it becomes even more tense because the game will LET you fail. You could make it even MORE tense if you make it so the player CANT retry (at least not until he’s completed the game once through)

All of a sudden every option, every decision and every major fight becomes a big deal.
And as for the little encounters? You can keep those the same. Make sure their easy so that failure isn’t really likely (which is the way it is now against many ‘random encounters’) and have it so that if you somehow DO lose, you’re revived by a passer by or by some other divine force. In other words keep the present system of simply setting the player back but DON’T use death as the excuse!

Before I leave I’d like to give you a new hypothetical situation. (with this new idea)
You’ve been asked to help defend yet another village (This time it’s the village that saved you after your last failure)
Your party members are torn. Half of them think your party should help in order to do the right thing, payback those who saved you and perhaps redeem some honour.
The other half (smarter half) have pointed out that the village would be out numbered 7 to 1 and that this would be a suicide mission. Also there is a rare opportunity for you to return to your home nation and perhaps bring in some more re-enforcements for later battles.



You cant do Both, either you stay and fight and miss the boat home (Which could play a role in the next few major battles you face)

Or you go back home and leave this villagers who saved you to their doom. While also further dampening your moral and reputation not to mention personal pride.


Now considering how you failed the last mission, and how this is a game that will let you fail again. Those 7 to 1 odds look real bad (and so they should) and so you would be less likely to just “heroically” dive into the action without thinking.
At the same time these people DID save you and their tribe could really use your help. This could be your chance to be the hero you’ve painted yourself as while also acquiring the fame and prestige you desire….however, the choice is yours.

Hey! Master Yoda? Quick question....

Hey yoda, can i talk to you for a minute? i was just doing a little thinking about the force and figured i'd ask you a few questions....

um, firstly, why do no jedi ever get married? I mean you say that forming emotional attachments with loved ones is wrong but.... surely the act of 'protecting the galaxy' is a loving act? you know...like we do it cause we care?
even if it's not, if love leads to the dark side then why do none of the sith have girlfriends? just strikes me as a little odd that's all, it's like the moment you pick up a light saber your ultimately trading in your penis...i mean i LOVE light sabers dont get me wrong but I've kinda grown attatched to the whole having a penis thing...

Ok another question um...seeing as love and i guess lust leads to the dark side, why then did you let Anakin, the young and clearly emotional jedi apprentice go to a highly romantic setting ALONE with the young and highly attractive senator amadlin just before the clone war? I mean anakin might be a jedi in training but he's also a teenager....a teenager with hormones...leaving him alone with a blatantly atttractive and powerfull woman just seems like trouble to me...he's also been known to act on emotion from time to time....oh and lets not forget he was prophesied to bring the destruction of the jedi...wouldn't it have been wiser to send a Non teenage human jedi along to protect her instead? how about the guy with tentacles on his head? or prehaps a female? I dunno just seems like an odd decision and one that a wise leader of an ancient order wouldn't make....its almost as though you just did it cause you read the script and realized Anakin somehow needs to fall in love with amadalin in order for the plot to continue...

Ok i'll leave you to your meditating now ...but uh...if anakin should just so happen to have sex with amadalin and get her pregnant and then attempt to keep the baby a secret while getting closer and closer to the chanceler who is actually a sith lord who uses anakins nightmares of amadalin dying to lure him over to the dark side until he eventualy crosses the moral event horizen by chopping off mace windu's hand and leading an assult against all the jedi in the galaxy Nazi germany style then uh...yeah, just remember who tried to warn you
*mumbles*
you green bastard...*